the chinese compo is over.

HEADLINES: PANG JINHHU PULLED THROUGH HIS CHINESE WRITING EXAMS.

haha. i expect to see them in the straits time tomorrow. lols.

but i must say, it's really a feat.

and my trying to memorise the chinese idiom book didn't got to waste. i counted. i used a total of 13 idioms in one compo. now, that's really amazing.

but the most amazing fact should be i only used one for letter writing.

but who cares anymore?

it's all finally over.

phew.

and there's geog tomorrow.

i said that in the last post.

me forgetting a fact. a sign of dementia. a sign of failing. a sign of getting old.

i'm really worried for geog lols but there seems to be nothing that i can do. i tried going through all my answers but nothing gets into the head.

should have put in more effort in paying attention during class and not fooled around during class.

regrets. i worte somewhat like that for my compo.

worry for geog. worry for geog. worry for geog.

but oh the irony, i was playing two hours of maple when i got home.

._.

i know.

it's all incredible stuff.

chinese. just another headache.

that headache is starting tomorrow. argh.

*bang head and bang table*

i don't hate it. i'm just extremely not good at it.

in short, i'm terrible.

so guess what, i'm trying to memorise as many idioms as i can before i start contracting dementia.

any time now.

what is the price to be good in chinese? give up art? if only both things work hand in hand. my life would not seem that screwed in that case.

so happened to read about dementia in the saturday papers. and it's kinda sad to see so many of these old people lying around with all their mental abilities wiped out.

it just disables them from doing anything. except taking up all the resources and causing more heartache to their loved ones. but that's how selfish the world is and how 'might is right'.

wrong.

i still don't get how americans can justify themselves for slaving the red indians in their own lands. treating another fellow human being just like another pet or play thing. it sounds wrong technically and it has been abolished already. in front of our naked eyes actually. because theoretically, people are still being treated like pets and play things. and i'm still referrng to human beings. except this time it's the case of pimps and prostitutes. you pay for your actions.

it seems right yet wrong at the same time.

life is never that perfect road human beings wish to stroll down on.

it's a gallery of flaws and perceptions and how modern abstract art can be inteprated as beautiful.

it's all a matter of perceptions.

back to my chinese. lol. i just want to pass.

i want to dock off two points for o' level. that seems like the only reason why i'm struggling in the pits of this language while everyone else is revelling it.

jealousy runs in my veins.

brr....

this post is cheem.

and contains all pre-thoughts on the chinese compo tomorrow.

and the worst part,

i'm screwing up in geography too.

and it's on tuesday.

ARGH!

my revision disrupted.

it's thanks to the fuss pusses again. for anyone who don't know who they are, its my sisters. yup, once again, they have broken the record for shortening one's attention span.

so i didn't get around to doing any great things today. like finishing 6 revision papers.

forget abour doing them jinhu, you can't even find them.

._.

another reminder on how messy my room has become. and the other great reminder i ot from this was that the room is mine.

that means no one else can mess it up but me. and in any case if they do, they'll know that they have done something wrong. it'll be on their conscious. guilt will engulf them.

sadist lah. but can't help it. i wish someone can tidy my room immediately. it's more disorganised than a rubbish dump.

haix.

am too extremely worried for chinese. not really. i just want to pass.

but even that seems difficult.

pray. it works.

sometimes.

back to sighing.

it's over. that first obstacle.

finally. i pulled through the two expected-to-do-well exams. (: i have done my best but i'm absolutely sure that i won't come out in tops. not anymore.

and it's okok. haha. so much more relaxed now. after those two exams.

why do i keep stressing on those two exams.

for the writing, i completed the letter writing first cuz i have no idea on what to write for the free writing. for one, i have no idea on what to write about siblings. and two, the letter looks like it wants to go first. and fortunately i had an original idea on what to write. shall post that story on fictionpress. there's no need to say it. it's about siblings again. just like Predestined.

O.o

history was a total screw up. never before had i panicked like how i panicked today. i seemingly crap all my answers out. but i have done my best already. there is no need to ask for more. now my hands are threatening to break out into arthritis. that's for not using the proper method to write. it's been crippled.

and it's so shiok to think that for once, or so i think no one will be competing with me again. how can they? my results are going to be at least 10marks behind theirs.

or so i think.

so much for the crappiest work in history ever.

._.

lols. and i don't think i will be posting everyday. it's starting to get stressful just finding topics to well, talk about and juggle all that revision at the same time.

full speed for maths!

haha!

200th post.

hallelujah. i've finally reached my 200th post! all thanks to my recent spate of posting everyday.

the actual surprise is that i'm posting today. :O instead of doing my history and writing revision.

and it comes even more surprising that i am expected to do well yet again for these two subjects.

it's all too much pressure. too much for jinhu to handle.

so he has just decided to release his bottled-up stress and nervousness(if there's such a word) into this seemingly unprivatised blog.

wow.

but all that stress. just made me feel that i should have did badly for both english and history last term.

headache.

again.

i got my wish and finally got back all my compos.

the results isn't important but what happens to my dear piece of work is.

it's been tainted with red lines flying haphazardly all over the piece of paper. sometimes, red pointers would sprout between two blue words, with a red word floating precariously above. it's a case of inconsistent tenses and wrong words being used. fortunately, not a case of sentence structure.

the same problem lies. and it's hard to correct it.

the problem is going off topic again. >.<

rawr. i need to see a counsellor. maybe not kelda chan.

haix.

it's all about the love of homework.

yeah.

Sometimes, I see myself waltzing in my room with a dozen printed papers. Their scent of processed wood drifts through the room like the aroma of a dozen roses. Armed with a pen for a sword, I strut towards it like the proverbial 'knight in shiny armour'. What more can a modest student ask of his love than to spend the night together? It was a gateway out of 'what could have been' wasted time, according to those professional in its field. It was a lover who cared and wanting to bear the learnings of a day of school. Its completion is the satisfaction of teachers in school. Such is the role of homework: a duty or a fulfilment for students all over the world.

ok, that was super cheem and i hardly understand any of that myself. but oh well, what else can i ask of? haha. very funny. i want my writing skills back on friday morning for the english paper one and the history paper.

haix. sigh, sigh, sigh.

i feel that i'm losing touch.

back to the books and the dictionary. wait, there's history on friday too. that means the textbook and additional notes as well.

._. i really feel that i'm losing touch but on the bright side, both my stories in fictionpress have been favourates! ohyeah! finally. lols. smilesmilesmile.

he's just obsessed with english writing.

and maybe chinese. after he found out that he passed with 40.5/70 for a compo he expected to fail. (:

he's still obsessed with english writing.

pangjinhu. he's an ingenious moron with the love for hate.

PARADOX. OXIMORON.

why do everyone around me and even myself love to use cheem words so much?

that free orange shirts

yay. we finally got a nice free orange shirt. yeah, it's for and from choir. (:

the workplan's seminar performance is just two days away. i will be missing science (it's prefectly fine), PE (great...), and mother tongue(argh...)

but worst of all, it's actually recess. ._. yeah, i know.

i'm still blogging believe it or not. just as when everyone's mugging, or MIA-ing, i'm still spending an hour infront of the comp and three hours infront of the tv. my cable just got wider.

what's everyone studying? other than maths, i can't find anything else.

i like maths. (: that's why i'm sadist enough to spend at least one hour on it everyday (excluding lessons). but other than that, the rest are being ignored.

i am going to fail history.

:O

no lah. but i can't say the same for chinese.

achilles heel. but it's too sad. with the exception of reading and idioms, my chinese is in the dumps. or that's what i think anyway. ohwell, pray harder.

but my mind still concentrates on what happened during choir yesterday.

we left class early. stayed and crapped at inspire town. it wasn't that bad. got many new songs before departing to ngee ann poly. had a hedache. and during the return journey, i still had a headache.

went home with gladwin, beiying and kiram.

went home in adelynn's car today. reached home half an hour earlier.

i may be MIA you know. but what exactly are the chances...

angels lyrics

Sparkling angel I believed


You are my savior in my time of need.


Blinded by faith I couldn't hear


All the whispers, the warnings so clear.


I see the angels,I'll lead them to your door.


There's no escape now,


No mercy no more.


No remorse cause I still remember

The smile when you tore me apart.

You took my heart,

Deceived me right from the start.

You showed me dreams,

I wished they turn into real.

You broke a promise and made me realise.

It was all just a lie.

Sparkling angel, I couldn't see

Your dark intentions, your feelings for me.

Fallen angel, tell me why?

What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?

I see the angels,

I'll lead them to your door

There's no escape now

No mercy no more

No remorse cause I still remember

The smile when you tore me apart

You took my heart,

Deceived me right from the start.

You showed me dreams,

I wished they turn into real.

You broke the promise and made me realise.

It was all just a lie.

Could have been forever.

Now we have reached the end.

This world may have failed you,

It doesn't give you a reason why.

You could have chosen a different path in life.

The smile when you tore me apart.

You took my heart,

Deceived me right from the start.

You showed me dreams,

I wished they turn into real.

You broke the promise and made me realise.

It was all just a lie.

Could have been forever.

Now we have reached the end.

thta's the lyrics to angels by within temptation. it's beautiful. talks about lies and hypocrisy.

i'm being over-sensitive again. rawr.

he left-without me-and didn't say goodbye.

the above was just a metaphor.

lols.

found out that i failed once again in chinese letter writing. not the letter writing, more of the chinese. but it's ok. what can you expect from half an hour of work.

thrash.

getting 9/20 is really not bad.

but if that's what i'm going to do for my exams. i'm going to fail higher chinese for the first time.

not the firts time i failed anyway. for anything else or just dramatic effect, i failed maths.

mugging. it's not good.

now you are all asking what i'm doing. am i not mugging?

if course not. mugging = cramming. it equates to squeezing every ounce of information into a box of your brain. even air gets compressed in the long run. on the other hand, i'm revising. it means briefly looking through papers at your own pace.

it's less stressful and may even be proved to be more rewarding.

you don't see me trying to cram every ounce of information into my head don't you? but there's no way i can study for chinese. but i don't want to get a C. so what do i do? look through all the model compo and pray.

but don't get stressed out. just control yourself. a little pressure is enough. but you still need stress.

it's a motivating factor.
i want to experiment again during the exam compo but i know i can't. one wrong move and poof. my marks are vapourized. but i really do want to experiment. new punctuation. new words. new sentence structure.

he just loves writing.

aww....

the black symphony.

gosh. the blogging's novelty is wearing off. or maybe it's because i have to mug for the exams. whatever. does it all matter?

i finally found the inspiration to mug. it's all thanks to within temptation for their concert album, the black symphony. even if i have to go broke, i have to buy that emo, gothic, soulful, inspirational, divine, holy, sacred album.

even then, the words i use to describe it is already underestimating the album.

i'm going to buy it even if it costs me a $100.

and i promised myself that i will only buy it if my marks qualify to be for triple science. otherwise, i'll have to buy its older and cheaper counterpart. the heart of everything.

either way, i'm still gonna buy it.

maths is fun. and that's because sadistic people think this way. i'm looking forward to finishing it.

THE BLACK SYMPHONY

night safari.

it isn't 12 yet. so this is still considered a post.

just wanna say that i am happy and am feeling accomplished. after 2.5hours of maths, who won't.

have nothing much to say. shall talk more tomorrow.

happy birthday zhan rong!

walls between sanity.

today has been a rather major accomplishment. i managed to finish my chinese oral, music and art in one day. lols.

chinese oral was kinda scary. i stuttered and when it came to conversation, i screwed up. not that badly as to fail but definitely not a distinction. and if i'm fortunate, maybe a credit. but i doubt it.

musci after school was a hectic affair. rushed to many places direcly after school, a gust of wind sweeping therough the school corridors. finally done my part as an ll before sweeping back to the mac lab for music.

ms lau said that my stroy was beautiful. i'm sure the presentation wasn't terrific. but at least something that i did myself. a solo job again. lols.

art was a masterpiece. yongyan was kind enough to help me draw a template which i would later decorate it during science lesson. you see, i never really paid attention. i think it turned out great.

then i went home with adelynn. (: and there was this phone exchange thingy which we discussed.

at home, i never really got to finish some work. all i did was to play. now i'm feeling a tiny bit guilty. but i will most probably procrastinate and say that i will do my work tomorrow. oh well.

but before i start on any work, there's this filing thing which i need to get done. my room has been voted as rubbish dump of the year. i would like to thank....

sort of taught ryan piano today. and the funny thing is, i'm a grade zero myself. so much for all that irony.

i wrote a compo during class and i think the idea is original. or maybe not. shall post it on fictionpress asap.

but not today, it's with mrkhoo now. i want my compo back asap.

people have been telling me about myself and my chracteristics. there are points where i can improve on like... and ...i'm not going to reveal anymore.

goodbye and happy studying the rest of the world.

it's back again and this time it stares.

as promised, i will blog everyday, even if the next day has three exams in a row. there's no choice. it's me and my very much loved blog.

i have switched targets. it seemed that triple science is the route which i am expected to be in. my mum beckons it and you can almost see her disappointment when i told her that i would like to go for triple humans. thanks to mrkhoo who shattered my daydream and brought me back to the cradle of my mum's hopes. me.

i'm not kidding. she really expects lots from me. like having no Cs yet not dropping in any subject at the same time. and there's that triple science goal which she really covets.

it's not a matter of choice. it's a matter of love.

a tribute to mama:

and i know she loves me. i will never forget the trust that she had in me. she knew i could do it. she knew i could balance my work and play. she let me learn by myself yet stood by the aisle, watching me. she gave me freedom. finance-wise. studies-wise. belief-wise. yet not once did she let go. as much freedom as she gave me. she reigned me with one thing i would always smile at. she dragged me to family outings and such with that one powerful weapon. what is it you ask. so powerful yet gentle at the same time.

the answer is love.

if i'm going to delve into love, it'll probably take forever. just want to give her the one perfect gift on oct4. for her commitments. for her trust. for her love.

back to my stressful school life. with its never ending list of agonies, it'll take a martyr to bless it neutral. cheem words for shallow people-me.

trying to practise punctuation. want to use it as a new tool in writing. (:

my mood sways with her actions. one moment i would feel happy. the next, not. someone tell me that that's not love. or curshes or anything. just tell me that it's my egoism or another distinguishable flaw of mine. it's something that i don't even dare tell kelda chan. but i need advice. someone talk to me.

and argh, there's chinese oral and music test tomorrow. chinese is first period. the rest are not. i'm too worried for music. it's under art and my art hasn't been terrific a far as i know. i keep procrastinating and bejamin has to be the one to draw it in the end. i'm in charge of colouring.

i haven't talk to kelda chan since last thursday. but i'm not feeling that stressed. relax people say. but when i think of exams, i have mixed feelings. on one part, i really want to do well and on the other, i couldn't care less. it's supposed to be like this isn't it? have been consistently dooing maths the past few days. i gave up on chinese and am trying to sharpen my english for the battle one week from now. charge!

someone please talk to me.

thanks jo.

i'm going to make someone jealous with this. xP thanks johanna for the two within temptation songs. you don't know how much they mean to me. :D THANKS!

i'm sick. down with flu and it was not pleasant. ah-chiew. mucus dripped down on to my palms. a sickly sweet ordour enemeated from those palms of mine. onlookers gave me disgusted stares. it was expected after all. who told me to swim yesterday?

no one else but me. i thought it would be great exercise.

this is just another of the countless disasters in my life. and i'm looking forward to more of them. for people who know, i'm always into making my life more interesting. that's why i smiled at her even though she was sort of screaming at me. ryan, you know who. xP

i got over you. you can smile and you can scream. your moods are worse than that of the weather. but it's ok. i will remeber to bring an umbrella in case of accidents.

my english's spiralling down. with all these extra full stops and warped capitalising, i know i'm doomed.

exactly like during english, where i wasn't actually paying attention.

then when i consulted him of the triple humans thingy, he sort of guffawed at me. :<>
haix. exams. they take the joy out of life. but they make it more interesting though. you get to face your inhibitations and challenge yourself to greater heights. perhaps sometimes not even studies-wise. it may be your character and conscious. will you use underhand methods to achieve your goals? will you tarnish your integrity to fulfil needs and desires? will you betray those you loved for mere material goods? maybe it's just another psp. or another iphone. does it all really matter?

in the pressure of examinations, everyone's a solo army. you gain your armour and ammunition, preparing to elimate the weaker ones.

but why does it have to be this way? why is it in our world, people challenge one another and not by a benchmark of non-existent things. such as marks.

even then, there will be a ranking. everyone knows it. and some aspire to be in tops.

but there will bever be a day where rankings will cease to exist. because it is the only way humans strive for the greater good of mankind. with no one to compare, the drive and inspiration is gone. such are the ways of humanity.

human error.

ok, i have delved enough into these topics which have been in my mind for quite some time now. they really do seem appropriate in these hectice times.

my last home econs today wasn't held in a kitchen. it was held in a garbage dumb equipped with a sink and a stove. the droppngs of crows and pigeons were scattered along the window sill. and some even landed on the chopping board. yet most irnoically, it had to end up on the detergent.

why the detergent of all things.

the atmosphere in the dump was quite laidback. maybe it was the time when everyone thought that there had to be a break. or they would breakdown.

and that's why seeing ants-infested bowls didn't really freak them out as compared to the sugary ants incident.

was sneezing and coughing all the time. BAD FLU. and i think i did my part in contaminating the dump. another suitable decoration by me.

but the shephard's pie turned out to be quite delicious.

ate three oranges today. hoped that they would help sustain me. even for a little. at least make me feel more healthy in front of everyone.

choir's just weird. and so are many other things.

ok. back to studying maths and chinese.

artistic disaster.

as usual, i'm reporting another disaster in my life. highlights: disaster.

it was art. i happily forgot to bring my file. and wtf. i was supposed to hand up my yog symbol and i didn't. there goes whatever bonus marks which i had.

i'm grouping with zhengyoung and benjamin for the you symbol thingy. group works. i hate them for wrecking friendships.

my relationship with groupworks was never a pleasant one. it brought me all that unnecesaary 'hate'.

once again, solo does it.

it was north pole during geography at the humans room. perhaps he wanted to stress on the geography on the arctics. so maybe it'll be a great reason to teach astronomy in snow city. after all, conditions of mars would be beautifully dedicated.

lols. that was lame.

my mind is not made for studying. it's made to fantasize on the what could be.

that's why i wasn't that keen to take triple science even if i can make it. which i severely doubt.

but then mr wong said something very interesting today. it was about triple humans and double science course. then when thought of that possibility, i felt happy. and i felt that it was destined for me to walk down that path. so i shall try to forgo triple science and work towards that more humble goal.

there's no way i can survive in 3/1 anyway. i'm not smart enough.

or maybe i can. then later get bashed down by all the god-like studying freaks like jerome who would be the first to strike me down with a lighning rod.

no lah. i'm just using jerome as an example. just like how he used me in his blog. haha. no hard feelings.

just jkjk.

there's two hours of maths, two hours of home-econs and one hour of english tomorrow. normal wednesdays are slacker days. but not this one. two hours of maths. mwahaha. mdm hee. i find her a really nice teacher.

random. and to be more random, i shall list down my goals, together with an explanation.

as you all know, sa2 is not easy and it's usually my weakest overall.(why does it have to be this way?) argh.

english-70, chinese-60, maths-75, science-75, history-75, geography-80, literature-70, art-65, home econs-75.

that's an overall grade of 72%. and to show-off, my lowest overall grade for the last three terms had been 73%) *bashing with punches, kicks and slaps*

it's pain lor. ouch. pain....

for languages, i don't have much confidence. especially after last year sa2 when i got a 69....

you must be thinking whether i siao is it? maths want to aim so high. but now it's different. i'm seriously going to put heart, soul and brains into the subject i once scored high with. note the word once. there's nothing to say about the science. i hope that i will still be able to defeat any of the science specialist, even by one mark. highly competitive me.

humans can't put that high. freaking high scores are for those mini tests during the ca1, ca2 and sa1. now when it's the full paper, everything has to go down by 10 marks.

as for art, my solo music project is still incomplete. i haven't presented it and seemed to be the only person not yet to. shall hunt for ms lau tomorrow. did i say about my missing bonus points.

all for within temptation. evanescence is still my favourite but wt just joined the bandwagon.

what am i doing here? i should be studying...

look at me. then look at the rest of the world.

it's music now and i'm in the mac lab. supposed to do music today. but i forgetfully forgot to bring my files. which just means i'm looking for a replacement lesson. 

solo does it. that's what i'm doing anyway.

had the worst sketch game on earth. and why? because i got banned. and because some of you think that i was drawing some obscence stuff. it's a funnel. argh. i so happened to be always misinterpreted. it's always.

._.

there's really nothing much to say. ordinary day. maybe not so considering my homework load. and ordinary responses. maybe not so. considering the outlook of people of me during the sketch game.

i'm letting a sketch game take control of me. word of consolation: it's just a game. and they don't mean it.

somehow, i think the diary that i kept will be sort of limited to its first post and all my secrets will most probably be spilled here.

"the evils of the internet"

moon year 08.

another mid-autumn festival. another year has passed.

i remembered talking to a precocious girl last year. a girl age 7 who had a sensible and unique mind. i must say it was nice talking to her. but she told me that she had moved house during our first and last meeting. oh well.

this year's festival was nothing out of ordinary. except that i see things now from a different perspective. one more sombre and more wary. but this year was still special perhaps. other than mooncakes and steamboats, there was...

pomel 'o' latern.

it's like a jack o' lantern except that it was made from pomelos. it smells nice and does not burn. there's one thing it's good at and that's drawing attention. that was when i was strolling around the near by park. LOL

after this wonderful night. there are always other things to think about. something like homework. i just realised that i have not done the history homework that is due in 10 hours time. deducting 7 .5 hours of sleep. 1 hour of travel and 1 hour of miscs, i'm down with 0.5hours to complete it at school. and it's sbq and seq. i can wish myself good luck now. cause i'm going to sleep in 0.5 hour's time.

decimals. headache. then suddenly, my mind has to think of music. yeah, that's our assesment tomorrow. and chinese oral. i'm not closed to the word prepared. and there's the yog symbol artwork tomorrow. all these pieces will contribute to the sa2 marks. there's a perfect reason on why i should be stressed.

though i'm not.

i am not fully concerned about the sa2. strange, that's not me. then i realised that there have been other reasons. hinthinthint.

too bad, i'm not in any crushes or love. or so i think.

haha. wait, there is geography 2007 peper to be done by tomorrow. omg. so many incompleted homework.

i am looking forward to talking to kelda chan. that's if i'm free tomorrow before choir.

extremely packed schedule with a totally un-stressed mind. LOL

the class photo.

i only bought three and this is the biggest one which i have. lols. spot the people and call me spastic.

haha.

all i do is smile.

WARNING: ALL POSTS ARE FILLED WITH RATHER 'SELF-INDULGENT' CONTENT. PLEASE READ WITH A DISCERNING EYE.

jkjk

i still feel great after the counselling session. oh well. (:

and today was a calm yet exciting day. i wish there were more 'todays'.

today was an anniversary day. a day where everyone sort of celebrates their 'one month' old relationship in their own private (or maybe not so private) ways. it can be in the form of presents or a walk together. something simple. something meaningful.

that's why i wish the two couples which i know of a happy and fulfilling relationship. to mz, ryan and everyone else out there. good luck. :D

hey. don't worry. this blog is privatised and no one else is going to know other than invited readers. i'm not going to breathe a word about it.

gotten class photos at last. i bought an extra large formal and tow mini informals. after all, it's the last time we'll be together. just like how last year was the first and how this year was the last.

._.

and everyone all looked nice. in my eyes anyway. or maybe it's because they are all smiling. except me who was apparently day dreaming. but it came out great overall. had some stupid comments but i shall keep them to myself.

i have been checking her blog everyday and at evrery hour. it just made me wonder. why am i so curious about the posts that she will make? maybe because she seems like the only downside now.

the other girl seemed to have change.

ok. too much info. some of which is reserved for my new diary. sort of anyway. it's made from an anderson jotter book. whatever i have left to say will go in there.

anoether great idea by kelda chan.

and mr wong finally paid me the money which was due like one month ago. for srp. now i'm sort of richer by 20 bucks. so i went to eat macs with ... approximately 13 people. and it was fun eating with a crowd. i miss eating with crowds.

the there was malay where everyone seemed to anticipate a certificate. but too bad, the closure of the draggy and not-so-loved lessons was a feedback form and an exercise worksheet. LOLS.

for sps peeps, i coincidentally met up with trudie. she recognized me at the mrt station lols. so we found a bench where we talked and talked and talked. for another one hour i think.

i like counselling and talking sessions. they take pressure off from life.

my chinese is in dire straits. wonder what kind of mugging i'll be doing during the weekends.

it's ironic. i seem to 'must' go out for those two days.

an example of a very queer social life.

an example of the very queer me.

counselling

i went to talk to a counsellor today. strange eh? yeah. and after talking to her, i feel much better. (:

an afternote: i don't hate anyone. it's just you who find me annoying and thus hate me. but i'm ok with that.

and drama was quite fun today. considering that it was our 3rd last lesson. it was about lottery and it was very interesting. learnt more about the ways of human beings. a life lesson indeed.

and i met yongliang today. after not talking to him for like 15 months. not because we hate each other. for people who think that all relationships between me and the rest of the world is a love or hate one. oh, and it was a very nice conversation. and that was really very nice.

counselling sure makes the world seem like a much better place. (:

LOL

yay. i finally privatised it. cause it's too dangerous for other lurking eyes.

nobody ranted anything. i'm just feeling that way not for you.

bitches. the world's still a better place without them. and please say whatever you like. i'm inviting you to do it. open fire.

'i don't wanna end up like some people who constantly admiring themselves, then slit their wrists in despair when people rant about them'. this is a quote which is about me of course. quite interesting from the way i see it.

it just makes me laugh. haha.

but wait it isn't that funny of course. next there will be something on. i will be waiting. i want to trust you but i can't.

yay. this is another ego fest by me. yeah. the super egoistic me is going to perform another stunt am i? how about slicing my head off this time?

i shall not say anymore. no comments.

and today has been a slightly better day to an extent. can focus better. and i am still trying to find the photo which i've lost. Hmm...

two different planes. two different worlds. and it's better that i don't do anything otherwise there will be an imbalance. then everything will start to go wrong.

not that nothing has gone wrong. it's just going to get worse as predicted by kc. and it's going to get better according to livia. haha. the two great pals from primary school. (:

i ran and i hide. there's no way anything can penetrate now.

goth metal.

i love goth metal. it seems like the only thing i love now. other than my family, close and true friends and writing.

i add that with a happy note.

because the rest of the things all seem hatable. like being pang-seh, suanned, and left out in everything. to top the list, there's people who hate me for small and stupid reasons. like using cheem words and not being a pushover. they call me egoistic because of the cheem words and kiasu for not being the pushover. lmao. sounds ridiculous sometimes you know.

okok, but for that, i have people who still say hi to me and people who don't mind my presence at the lunch table. there are also people who are willing to laugh at my jokes and smile at me. this is good enough.

i don't expect too much. i don't want to be disillusioned. i don't want to fall again. i know i'm not such a great person. i have lots of weaknesses.

wait, i don't want to sound that negative.

so i shall say on a happier note, that my heart has hardened after yesterday and i want to trust. but there seems to be something holding me back. then i turn back and saw that it was the 'aunty' me who was scared of all the pain that i would feel again. next time more sinister.

i will trust again. myself and the world. not the last chance. just the first that hopes to be embraced.

this title isn't really a title at all.

hey folks. i'm feeling better now after being tormented so badly yesterday. like how i cut my left wrist. i'm not kidding. it now leaves a red slash on my wrist.

and it isn't painful. i wish i could say that i came back from my senses. become a happier person. but after yesterday, everything's been changed. while the folks in my class are all smiling and happy. i am sitting there alone and doing my work. you all call it 'emo'. yeah, i know. and you must be wondering why i did all that now. i lost someone close to me. not close to the grave but closer to damnation.

i tried fighting my way out of all this confusion. i didn't do any work yesterday at all. and didn't my last post said that i wanted to mug? lols.

so i'm bent on chionging on work today. must finish at least half. i still remembered sleeping, taking naps and off at 9.15. i was tired. yet i wasn't. my heart was tired, my trust has faltered. but my mind remains alert. but sleeping is not enough. i have to concentrate all my energies into work.

i went to count my friends yesterday. and they came up to only 8 close ones. of that 8, i'm not sure whose true and whose false. but some clues i can give: 2 from sps and 4 or so from anderson. it's just like melancholic me to say all this. but to the rest of the people reading this, you're at least on the second level. because i trust you enough to give you the address to my blog. (:

i'm thinking of privatising it.then you'll need your emails. but that's later. before i end this post,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAICONG!

i know you'll be happy always. :D

byebye.

trust

Trust is a relationship of reliance. A trusted party is presumed to seek to fulfill policies, ethical codes, law and their previous promises.
Trust does not need to involve belief in the good character, vices, or morals of the other party. Persons engaged in a criminal activity usually trust each other to some extent. Also trust does not need to include an action that you and the other party are mutually engaged in. Trust is a prediction of reliance on an action, based on what a party knows about the other party. Trust is a statement about what is otherwise unknown -- for example, because it is far away, cannot be verified, or is in the future.

i am not able to fully trust. yet.

what possesed me in the world to say that? why did i do that? i trust you and i'm really sorry that i did that.

so i'm being stupid. again. isn't it? isn't that always what you do? being stupid and everything. jinhu, you've really got to trust. and if you don't. then don't bother trustng yourself. pack of lies and gossip. and you really should expect this end don't you? freefall.

there's just been anaccident, help.

hidden and concealed.

my social life's a disaster. that's all i need to know i suppose. and i have finally reflected. i'm ignored.

obviously, the truth need not be such a complicated thing. but how much longer can you go one before you break down again.

you have already broken down. don't do it again.

can you give yourself a chance? can you really trust again? well, you have no choice.

and today isn't the best day of my life. maybe arguably the worst.

and only mundane things happened today. but that's all that is needed. superheroes. they don't exist don't they.

i'm in a realm of non-existence

rain the night away.

i found another band which i liked. and strangely, their style is very similiar to that of Evanescence. it is Within Temptation. and so far i've heard, hand of sorrow, fogiven and Stand my ground. this just made me tempted to buy The Heart of Everything. sad to say, i still think amylee as my favourite singer in the world. for her power vocals. and heart-tugging tune. and ground-shaking lyrics.

so today being the first day of schoo for term 4. i feel compelled to say more.

woke up a 5.55am and for the second time. ryan waited outside my house while i constipated. then. i sort of flew to the door after i've done my dump. 5 mins to brush teeth, change and tie my shoelaces. i am surprised at myself.

the day is rather boring in general. but there's still something to talk about.

i mean choir and there seems to be only choir. and it's because we are like the only cca that is not suspended during term 4. have to prepare for performance for Workplan seminar. and it's just one day before the exams. this is the 123456789th time i said this.

so from now on, my mondays are booked and my thurdays too. because of drama. other than that, i'm going home early for these coming days. and i don't think i'm going to play. i'm going to mug full time.

this nerd is still thinking of how he should study his chinese and maths.

one more thing. lq is going for her tooth operation tomorrow and chinese oral will be postponed. that means. yay. i thought my whole night would be burnt reading aloud symbols that are half-readable and quater-understood.

so her present is settled though not in my favourite method. so the engrish project seems to be done. and that roughly means i don't have to worry much. for now.

it is still raining heavily. perfect weather to sleep after i pack my bag, drink water, brush my teeth....

first habarber haircut in 7 years.

ok. some of you caught it. some of you didn't. doesn't matter anymore. i've completed my part anyway.

so i went for a haircut later in the afternoon. and it was my first haircut in like 7years in the barber shop. yup, my dad's been cutting it for me for the past 7 years and beyond.

and he didn't cut it this time cuz he didn't have time today. or it'll have saved me a cool seven bucks. and a totally crazed experience. so how do i describe a trip to the barber after so long...

i guess the beginning part was kinda interesting. there were two barbers, one old indian one and one young chinese one. i shall use barber A and barber B respectively. so barber A pointed me to the chair. but then barber B wanted to cut my hair. so in the end, after barber A told barber B that he saw me first, it was decided. the traditional old barber would be the one cutting my hair.

ok, that was kinda lame.

and the traditional barber was rather gentle with the shaver and the scissors. it was kinda different when my dad was cutting my hair. Vroom! became zzz...then somehow, it appeared to look rounded halfway through. it looked weird. o.O

i called him to graze down my field of black weed and all he did was to trim it. so in the end, though it looked cut, it didn't seem to me that it was actually cut. so overall, my experience with the barber had been a strange one and one that actually costs money.

ok, that just shows how naive i am.

and i still haven't completed the science paper. ohwell, do it now is suppose.

approximately 4 people looked at my last post, which has been deleted due to ranting. i'm sorry to those 4 people. i should have locked my blog at that time.

anyway, bye.

food-die

i am so over, under, between, beneath, in, out, for, to food. and whatever other words you call it anyway. (: why? because i went to suntec today.

forgot to bring my wallet and had to take the train all the way alone. but strangely, i reached the earliest despite being the latest to start off. and where am i eating lunch?

it's tony roma. (:

it's meat haven

you are missing out as a foodie if you haven't been there before. this self-confessed foodie is going to tell you what rocks so much and what's not too hot.

the steak, chicken, potatoes are an indulgence. yeah, you've never eaten food if you've never eaten that. words to describe: aromatic, warm, tasty, exotic, wholesome, tender, soft, tongue-friendly(!), juicy and smoking. my mouth is still watering. there's the corn on cob which is soft, sweet and absolutely irresistable. and come to think of it, the free garlic bread they give exceeded expectations. considering that it's free, it's even more yummy than those you actually have to pay.

what's not that great: nothing if you're a jared or a jasper. it's like $42 with taxes for a set meal. and that's only lunch. who knows what they serve and what's the cost during dinner. :X but the portion is big and two can share one. if there's still not enough, you can order more of the free garlic bread. ;)

there was this great anniversary sale at guradian which my mum and aunt when crazy over. free this and free that. yeah, all those marketing gimmicks sure make middle-aged women happy. then they had to drag me for the lucky draw. lmao. i got a pathethic bag which cost me 15 mins of my time.

then it's back to food again. world food fair at the suntec convention centre. yumyum

big, crowded carnival of food and more food. tried to do my english project there but i can't. :x and i went to buy: mango snow ice, which was godlike after abstaining it for 4 years. japanese pizza with the mayo and sauces. not as nice as expected. chinchow drink = ordianry. taiwan potato chips = makes my mouth water.

ok, that's roughly all the relevant things that happened is suntec. i didn't run any relevant errands. but i have to. and i'm going to do it tomorrow at the causeway (marsiling and checkpoint) there are supposed to be many engrish there. wish me happy hunting.

two worries. present for her. my engrish members.

and they've been hauting me for quite long already. and i don't seem to enjoy the food while hunting at the same time.

but that was really good food.

:X

delusional.

i try to make myself think otherwise but i can't. the truth will be always be there, a statue of rock or a scent lingering in the air. but sadly, the truth is not a book. it's a combination of complicated inscriptions. and in the end when it reveals itself, your hand burns and in flames, they wither.

just then, screams. they fill the air. i turned back. i see myself. defeated. blood and tears flow. but it was from an image years ago. a childhood memory taunts. i run.

then a cold and clammy hand grabs my ankle. like a force of nature, it tore through my leg. more than ouch. i lost my right leg. i will never be able to walk again.

the hand looks famaliar. just like the one that i used to have a hearty handshake with. the one that radiated friendly warmth. it glared back with ferocity.

then the tears leaked down my cheeks. they were for broken trust. but yet i'm not sure. it might just be another illusion. illusions. they wrap our world with suspicion. we are all supposed to hate each other in the end.

no hidden words this time round. that's for anyone who's reading this. i'm more than confused. it's too sensitive. i know. a litle action reveals a hidden agenda. a hidden agenda reveals a sign of love or hate. my hate list is long.

then i shall just reveal myself here. i am tactless and direct.i say things which will be painful and insensitive. people who got pricked by my words have my apology. i have another weakness. but if you'd know, then it'll really be the end of me. close people can see it. rivals will love it. and it's that weakness of mine that seems to highlight the word jinhu.

it's better if you don't know. for me and for you.

i've heard things which i didn't want to hear. things which don't include results. and when i'm down and out. these things are ususally the cause. i shouldn't take them to heart. i seem to know. cuz right now, i'm not doing it.

to discern between right and wrong. to understand human ways. to hone skills in interpersonal communication. it's all too difficult.

we display. people perceive.

homework. still half left.

i'm currently thinking of my homework situation. that's to say that i've only finished half of them. and am expected to finish more. but does it matter sometimes? when all grades pull towards gravity. i'm scared for chinese. yet i stand alone. afraid. there is this need to excel. but the drive is somewhere misplaced. i have to find it. fast.

okok. that's for my exam and studies situation. btw, i like my overall grade very much. and you can find it out yourself if you want to. just calculate.

enough of grades, lets talk about something more interesting, like my 'study' plans. ate gelare for lunch at cwp and it was damn ex. cuz we ordered dessert and it was this triple-scooped ice-cream waffle. heaven. i live to eat.

then from there, we walked 30 mins to her house, under the humid weather we talk. and it was like this 'new beginning' kind of atmosphere that was quite enjoyable.

and we were supposed to study. but i barely did half my science paper for a whole hour before we decided that the remaining 3 hours would be dedicated to the main reason we came here for. play time.

so three retards gather around and pit whatever strategy they had into defeating Artificial Inteligence. there was more talk. fantasy all the way. (:

and when it came to leave, none felt sad. we knew that we would meet again. soon without doubt. one month from now. or maybe two. a date confirmed on haloween.

and you people will find me damn weird and want to ask me why i hang out with these kind of people. one simple reply, i like it. and i also like to hang out with the other group. but that's if they have time for me. not this one. we have control.

so i start smiling when i think of all that fantasy. because in one way or another, i feel happy.

and i posted another story on fictionpress. this time not so interesting. but i hope you'll find it relevant.

enjoy.

how does homework and holidays rhyme...

yeah. yeah. posted this new blog song. disturbia by rihanna. and although i hate her 'live', her songs makes sense. :O And since i'm feeling this way now. it's just appropriate.

i mean that i'm disturbed. by all the really piling homework. by my really pathethic social life. by my really crazy attitude. everything. it's just driving me mad. and it doesn't help that my com loves to reboot. argh.

and i shall try to list down all the homework. that i know of.

synthesis and transformation.


argumentative template.


noticeboard group. english error.


ace-learning assignment


2007 science eoy paper


geog enviroment ws


literature school of rock inferences


olympics logo.

realise that i didn't put in any homework for chinese. cuz it's practically non-existent. i mean. the teachers don't check and so we can slack.

i'm ok with everything except the noticeboard group project. why? because half the group members hate me because they think that i was the cause of their low marks. and now, their attitude towards me is like f*ck off. ohwell. but please, if i have to justify my reasons again, i gave 7879. this is my proof. and really, you don't expect me to give full marks do you? i am a pessimist and you know it. just because i came up with an idea that no one liked was better than all your non-existent ideas. like it or not, we have to work together for one last time. and you can give me that crappy attitude if you want. i'm not your pushover.

yeah. better after ranting. i shall probably be looking for pics. but on podcasts, you're on your own.

i wish someone would appreciate my work for a change. and even if you don't, just keep your negative comments to yourself.

but i live by my conscious so you can say anything you want to hurt me. i'm ready.

so for this really crazy attitude of mine, i'll try. i'll promise. i'll commit. and i'll hope to be a better person in character one day. in less than a year from now.

surely, robots don't take too long to re-programme.