haloween

ohyeah, can't wait for this evening, it's finally haloween.

and don't say i didn't post yesterday because i did. i just didn't publish it.

too many things. whispers, truths, gossip and lies. they exist in all forms and are probably quite deadly. but nothing beats slander.

yeah, i know. i've been there, done that. if you know what i mean.

and sometimes, as ms kelda chan puts it succintly, you've got to rationalise whatever unverified thoughts because they just might as well be speculations. come to think of it, i have been jumping to conclusions. so i hereby list my holiday resolution.

be more considerate towards others.

practice at least 30 hours of maths.

practice at least 30 hours of chinese.

churn out 4 more fictionpress stories.

exercise three times per week.

master those extremely difficult songs.

ohyeah, i think that makes a pretty neat holiday schedule. now the problem is fitting those resolution into the dates themselves.

disclaimer: every post is a my reflection of thoughts going on as i think of the current predicament i am in. so really, it can be very self-indulgent at times.

thankyou for your consideration.

that green gentleman.

i like this song. and i like the lyrics more. that green gentleman by panic at the disco.

and the reason why i'm not posting anymore within temptation is because hearing too much of it will only make me very tired of their songs.

sharon den adel, at 33, looks like 20.

here's a little excerpt of arcticed, my 'main' maple character.

at level 60, she's rather successful alright. but she's dead broke with only 2.3m and only clean equips because she is unfunded and hence, penniless. stats are not perfect. there's 5 into dex. and the clean hino which she bought for 1m with 75MA is not that clean after all. that's after she boomed a 60% wand magic attack scroll on it. and it well, boomed. and that just proves 'how i am still the same after everything has changed'.

haix. that's what i have been doing for 4 hours today. well, kill time, kill time.

4th nov. and the reason why everyone's so obsessed over it.

4th nov and the tension is there.

and i see people all so fanatic aboiut that day. and to that, i came up with pull and push factors.

Pull factor: my house is a double-storey mansionette though it's still very small. i have a cache of board games hidden in all my cabinets, including taboo. oh, and there's this 2nd hand xbox which is in perfect condition and only 2 games to choose from. lmao.

Push factor: Other than computer, cca, and the extremely occasional outings with friends, i don't see how we managed to pass our holidays. and i mean ignoring all the homework.

yay. so i'm quite sure my door will be banging at 10. well, there's free homemade beehoon as another pull factor. lols.

i think i'm going to post later so i'll just end here for now.

AYA =YAY

AYA = YAY.

technically no. but i must admit that talking in front of a mass audience again was fun.

and the teachers, vp, and even the teachers said that me and courteney did a good job. and the response for 'who wants to come to anderson' was really not bad. 1/3 of the hall and that's like 100 pupils in the alloctaion of 200 express pupils in anderson.

so courteney was was kind enough to remind me that all the fictionpress i was talking about might have no one reading them cuz they don't know where to find them. ok, according to directions for dummies, it's under 'my scribbles', under the links.

ok, job done. looking forward to another assignement.

and again, courteney has given me the best solution. ignore her very existence. even the thoughts ring through my head like some gong in the temple.

yeah, i'll try just that, a supplementary for my Plan B, phase one.

i suddenly think that 3/1 isn't such a good place to runaway any more.

it feels like a normal school day.

tomorrow seems like a regular school day. like one just after deepavali.

first, i'll be waking up at 6, second, i'll be wearing my school uniform.

but that it doesn't seem so much like a normal school day anymore.

well, i'll be zooming off in a taxi most likely with courteney and mrkhoo and end up in some unfamaliar place. and in those unfamaliar and maybe even hostile grounds, me and courteney will be 'acting' happy. well, those thursdays afternoon do count for something don't they?

and i'll be home haggling over the comp with my sis. it does seem so much like a regular day.

which reminds me that my latest story, Adiction, has been reviewed. ohyeah, and like the same reviews for Predestined, it is "Kinda creepy actually" and "to be honest the concept disturbs me". so you roughly know what to expect. not your typical 'romeo and juliet', i'll die for you, puppy love cliches. they really are cliches and i have no idea why there are so many people crazy over them.

okok, maybe Predestined was something like that too. well, it's "unconventional love". that counts for something don't you think?

i see people complaining of intense boredom. why don't you try writing? it's fun and helps kill time. improves imagination and writing skills. i beg to differ to peopel who say that writing will definitely help them in their comprehension. well, if it counts for anything, i still failed comprehension and got an F9 for the chinese version. hah, maybe it will help, i'm just too dumb for comprehension then.

and without religious classes or overseas plans, it seems that i will be cooped up writing books the thickness of dictionaries. ohyeah, hope that you will support. meanwhile, i'm still burning 3 hours of time each day playing maple. kill time didn't they say.

it feels like a normal school day.

hols. why are they called that?

"change we can believe"

the presidential elections are just these few days. and the above is an excerpt of obama's campaign pledge.

"is america ready for a black president?"

but i think i'll stick to the change you can believe part.

ok, so bringing this campaign down to a personal level.

yeah, i think i've got plan B drafted out. no1, don't expose yourself to anymore negative influences. i think i just know where not to go. no2, think before you talk. i think that's the reason why my words seem to be so sarcastic. no3, think of others before self. i know they are always saying that. yeah, time to make it into active mode.

but there are obstacles.

first, there's my kaypohness, curiosity, concern, inquistive *you get to see the words in a more positive light* how i'm not going to ask anymore questions or wade into treacherous waters is beyond me. next, people talk too fast and they expect replies quickly. so the other alternative is not to reply at all, in many cases, is just considered plain rude. well, they did ask you to reply.

ya, and that's only phase one of my personal 'change you can believe' plan. and i do hope that it'll actually work.

there's also phase two, at a less important level, but i don't think i'll post that. well, as it goes on from primary to secondary, to tertiary, the personal level of it generally increases.

i sound like some economics freak.

and that's not a sad thing.

oh, and i just posted a chapter of my new story in fictionpress. i really hope that you guys will read it. and give comments if possible.

Work - planning the secondary part of my plan - in progress.

change.

in between a short period of time, he realizes that he really needs to change. and it so happened that the blueprint of plan A is not working. so, now he's back to the sketching room, thinking of how to remain in control and lead a better life. instead of being such a shallow pig who thinks the world just by a few measly comments by people. it can't be this horrid, terrible time that he faces everyday. so much, so much that it controls him, just like being possesed. except worse, the person who posseses him is himself. so shall he remain that selfish, narrow-minded asshole or develop to be slightly more open-minded and selfless?

he'll ask courteney, maybe catheism will help him.

ok, i'm shutting up. too much information. :x

friday.

i'll make this short and sweet.

choir was ok. but the computer wasn't. it's been burning for 8 hours.

and ngmingzhen, you still haven't told me who that five letter blank refers to. oh, and you can count it under the debt which you owe me for pairing me and her together. :X

it really sucks.

argh. i hate this 'jinhu like ...' game. it's like. ... well, it's not the first time my vocab failed me.

then there was mr khoo who informed us that even as me, courteney and the rest of the other AYA people are approaching upper sec, we still have this last task in which we must complete.

and that's going to peichun primary school to promote anderson.

what a coincidence. [inserts name]. and i'm doing it with my long-term more than capable and hardworking partner, courteney.

she's great i tell you.

and as 4th november draws closer. i wonder.

yeah, i'm still wondering.

and for the very first time, i'll have my tag replies in a post, staring with the very modest number of answering three posts.

Audrey: lol, was your bag bulky? Seriously, y did he check your bag? you don't look like osama

it was a plastic bag with two T-shirts and a shirt in it. i think it's my haircut.

Johanna: who's that 'he' ?

we'll see on 4th november. (:

Kai Cong: I guess you'll be getting in 3/1. Im still waiting for my results, school ends at 4th Nov for me.

well, i'm not sure about the 3/1 part but i know the streaming results will be out on 3rd nov. oh, and grats on pulling through the exams. :D

i finished replying to tags.

seal my lips.

seal my lips.

then maybe nothing will ever come out again. ooh. and it's so pai seh. but it's over and thank goodness it's over.

today's the last day of school didn't seem too sad. it's not like a time where i would whip out this small little diary calling people to fill in their particulars with. well, i did that in primary school. in secondary school, it's all about true friends and handphones.

wasn't that bad. i expect to see everyone still in good shape after two months of absence. well, almost everyone that is. with kenneth and tabitha saying good bye, it's hard to wonder why.

oh. it rhymes.

i'm thinking of 4th november. ohyeah, but maybe he's not coming. and i won't be surprised.

surprise?

who need be?

and the nexy day, i'll see myself in long pants walking to the upper sec block.

the next day is just one holiday away.

consolation

i need to console myself. 9 distinctions eh. xD and that's not including cme.

bye 2/2

bye 2/2 0'8.

it's been my most fulfilling year to date. i never felt more accomplished. be it academic, cca-wise, socially, morally...the list goes on. and i realised that after two full years, i love this class. i love the squarish classroom, the torn notice board and even the cracked watepaper basket. last but not least, i like all (almost) people in 2/2 0'8.

good times. good times.

and it's there where i've made a few great friends. friends for life.

back to the arts fest. there was the don't forget the lyrics.

beckoned by the audience to sing and yes, i sang, with my throaty, coarse voice, sang top of the world by the carpenters. screw up. so the competition went on. quite fun i must say.

received some comments from classmates and friends. and it's pretty interesting to see what type of person you are. wahh. and thanks everyone for all those positive feedback.

got back my report card today as you can see, there's still the dreaded underline there. ooh.

went out with my fellow friends today. haha

swipe. swipe. swipe.

and there went 100 bucks.

then on the way home, there was this guy who stopped me and asked to check my bag. so the mrt officer actually thought that i might be a suicide bomber.

with my penchant for weird and not very socially-accepted hairstyles, it's normal.

ok. so i'm rather high now and don't think i want to sleep at all tonight.

but i know i will.

the heart of everything.

i have forgotten all about the black symphony. it's the heart of everything from now on.

it costs me a cool $20.90. but it's worth it. within temptation full speed ahead.

did i mention that i played truant today?

i guess i just did.

feigned sickness and ended up slacking at home instead of slogging my guts out in school. thanks to occasional sneezing fits in the night which woke everyone up. it convinced my mum that yes, her dear son was having a fever. and it so happened that i felt much better at 6.17am. yups, there was time to rush to school. but what's the point? leadership workshop? i prefer having the actual fever.

not sure about dates and time anymore. not even sure when to go to school. just sure that i'm not going to be great shakes in desk-boung jobs.

"what kind of script is that? it's awful!"

it's been two god damn years since i sat down to look at a script or hosted anything. and naturally i have like a screw in the air, rusted. but why is it that expectations are so high? i don't think i can do anything the prim and proper way anymore.

prim and proper. breaking free. now watch this metamorphosis people.

talk about growing up. it's long pants from next year on. ooh. have to get used to this.

the shadow of a dream.

the shadow of a dream.

i'd just realised that my blog isn't really that private anymore. at the rate at which i'm inviting people, you'd think that this blog was public.

i thought so too.

but not everything of what i've thought had been that rosy dream.

results they say, is either good or bad. there's no other way out.

not that i think i've done badly. it's all great i think. though some people will think i'm insane thinking that a C6 is better than an A1. but it's true.

lets see, for starters, i'm 4th in class and 11th in level.

great rankings. ok, now for the onslaught of various results in the most unglamorous way possible.

english, 73. i'd realised that i failed my comprehension and did badly for my compo and letter. i surprised myself for this.

chinese, 51. does anyone have idea how happy i am? Oh yeah. cause i didn't fail. *blank and weird stares from everyone* yeah, i'm relieved, glad and any other feelings you can fit in there.

maths, 69. redemption they say for that failure in term three. nice grade.

science, 82. my mcq got 29/30. i know it's crazy and that's how i got this mark anyway.

geography, 84. ooh. totally unexpected. but still happy about this.

history, 91. unexpectedly high. thank goodness history didn't repeat itself. i don't want to get what i got last year.

literature, 68. decension from the long lines of As. nevermind, i passed and did ok for this

home econs, 82. aunty pang. anytime now, you'd realised that a guy topped his class in home econs?

art, 70. not thanking mrs kamal for her tasteful discrimination of me in arts lessons. but thanking ms lau instead for excelling me in my solo project.

that's about it isn't it? good grades with competitors trying to topple [inserts name]. i need a break. well, there were two [inserts name] this time. maybe the two still refer to me. i wonder.

choir was super tiring. and i don;t like that kind of session. wasn't able to sing anything. murmurring perhaps.

am so tired, i'm going to drop dead after this post.

plonk.

we'll play mind games shall we? poem

drunk.

who am i, ask,
a stranger in a mask,
whom people greet,
thinking it's me they meet.

but it's not actually
it's just someone else
a shadow of mine
a result of too much wine

and when i wake up
reaching for a coffee-filled cup
my head aches
searching for memories to rake

was that really me
in that drunken stupor
screaming the night
with all that manly might

the same person who
clinched that million-dollar contract
shook hands with that VIP
became that model to society

with all that stress in pent
i need an outlet to vent
anytime now they cried
all odds defied

the screams and the violence
never before seen
the terror and laughter
never had there been

the next day i awake
tired but content
from one whole night of
leaving my troubles behind

our solemn hour.

Santus, espiritus, redeem us from our solemn hour
Santus, espiritus, insanity is all around us
Santus, espiritus is this what we deserve
Can we break free
From chains of neverending agony

i think it applies to tomorrow. our solemn hour. the time where we'll get back our results. and i so freaking love this song. by within temptation of course. oh, and sanctus espiritus means the holy spirit.

i'm settling for the heart of everything. but why is it even hmv is out of stock? i went to all their outlets in singapore. o.O

and surprisingly, i managed to find one in causeway point three weeks ago. and the next trip where i'm going there, probably thursday, i'm going to snap up the first, last and only stock they have there. that's if they still have it.

today is one of the rare days which i actually exercised. that just includes running 1km on the treadmill and playing 50min of intensive, no-rest squash. i was dead beat but it was damn fun.

currently reading jason hahn's asking for trouble and table for three. go read it if you have the time. witty language with countless references on the unseen, though not so unseen aspects of the average 20+ single singaporean. a must read. guarantee that you'll laugh.

and i've read those books five times already. i just simply can't let go.

i've spilled my secrets and now it's time to see the consequences.

Moments.

tony roma again.

as expected, [inserts name] really did make his sophomore appearance. and it kinda made me sad. yeah, sad.

so i went to tony roma and ate till i was severely bloated. eating helps to fill up the emptiness in you. ribs and chicken. baby backs are still better.

food acts as a sleeping pill. one stomach was all it took to knock me out.

zombified. i don't really want to write anything. and i really want to not care about [inserts name]. it's just too hard. that's why i'm going triple science if i can anyway. to avoid the pain and the misery.

an extremely happy day.

an extremely happy day.

i found people to eat lunch with. (:

i didn't do as badly as i expected for literature. high B3! :D

no teacher came for history so i went to read time megazine. :)

oh, i still remembered that i have a sandwich rotting in my bag right now. :O

gonna eat it before the maggots eat it. one dollar that i haven't returned to adelynn.

and nothing happened in geography. i was like the only person who didn't get back my question paper. for who knows what reasons. and got clammed between zhanrong and glenn. and there was this tiny activity which we had to entertain ourselves. see who cried first. only teardrops counted. lol.

and would you believe that that's all. well, i would you know if not for that fact. i topped class in geography.

gasps. you never expected that to happen right. neither was i. so now at least there's a clear indication that [inserts name] would make his sophomore appearances again. ooh. now that's something that i'm sure of.

i will not be afraid. afterall, i managed to gather up some facts myself. (:

and choir was great. more than great. fantastic, incredible, marvellous and downright fun. haha. wish choir will be like this everyday. then i will really be attending every single choir session. without fail. more gasps.

people keep on saying that i am the type who studies like some freak, especially after the geog phenomenon. ya. right. is there any indication then, on me failing maths and keeping a fringe so long that mdm chan has no choice but to catch? for the last time, i didn't study like a freak. and at most up to 5 hours a day. that's not much isn't it.

i deleted part of what i wanted to say.

maybe it's just my unworthy mention of something that i really shouldn't have mentioned. see, this kaypo me. just can't stop ferreting out crap and always great at making things worse.

as if they weren't depressing enough.

isn't this supposed to be the extremely happy day? ok, good. for anyone reading this post, you are invited to my house on 4th november 2008 for tabbo, boggle and....you never know.

so if you want to come or just bring your friends with you, please feel free to ring me up, message me or by some other form of communication.

lunch anyone?

lock it all up.

lock it all up.

all the misery buisness. you just can't say no to them.

got into a horrible fiasco this morning due to a very serious misunderstanding/misintepretion/miscommunication. and because of that, people got hurt. and the worst part was, people got hurt thanks to this huge misunderstanding which i stormed up by myself.

way huge. and it happened in the morning when i was sick to the stomach on listening to our average performance in exams. smart move jinhu. you never think dont you?

so now you ruined everything. and saying sorry is just too easy. but still. sorry ryan for being such an asshole that mixed facts with fiction. and sorry to johanna for conjuring false news. lastly, sorry to mingzhen for beckoning you to jump into the wagon of regret.

all to a million apologies.

sorry.

so i felt kinda depressed though [inserts name] didn't appear anywhere. and found out that we weren't getting back our results today or tomorrow. it's going to be on friday where all the crap is going to be served in one whole dollop.

the there's maths where i found out that i didn't fail. this hard work went somewhere at least. to my 'close to distinction' grades, mdm hee quipped. but it's all good enough. especially after the extensive and heavy moderation which each paper undergoes to squeeze marks dry. didn't they said that this batch of students did maths badly this year?

science was baffling. keeping my fingers crossed for an A1.

drama was relaxing. got back our results today and am rather pleased. 38/50 for a paper i tried studying half an hour for. pleased. just pleased. but there was the other dilemma again. am i really going to take o'level drama. i can't imagine and i wished someone would help me make up my mind. soon enough.

had this terribly long discussion on the 'don't forget the lyrics' competition that we are going to organise. terribly long. i ended up eating lunch at 4.

get well soon. may the headaches and heartaches be free from you.

skipping up and down

skipping up and down.

that's what we did for 2 hours. oh, and a little bit of limbo.

and after that there was spelling bee. didn't want to take part in the first place. well, i was afraid of being [inserts name] again. being that will derail me once again. get the anti-depressants, i've participated in that event anyway.

rather animated and extremely sudden. managed to be the 2nd runner up, losing my place to sarah. shouldn't this just invite more gossip? haix, here we go again.

but it also made realised that i had terrible stage presence. i was not in control and was laughing on stage like some maniac. yeah, hope no one notices that.

i can't believe that [inserts name] actually got to be a runner up. that egoistc bastard can't spell to save his life. and thank goodness sarah beat that bastard into being the 1st runner-up. otherwise...or something like that.

see, i'm trying to protect myself for the worst. take out all the guns and stuff. it's war.

lols. maybe not that bad. i did the spelling bee for my friends anyway. haha

and there's this sec2 briefing thing. and after listening to her speak, i'm thinking of throwing away my best subject for the surrealism of literature elective.

not everything that revolves around the worls is results though for the most part, it is. the other tiny part is in pursuing your interest and making your life turn out better. that's why i'm thinking, just thinking of taking literature elective. i'm still that materialistic.

and there's getting back results tomorrow.

it's freaking fast.

it's a senance of goodbyes.

looks like almost everyone is leaving.

the next few weeks are the crossroads. like daffodils in the wind, we'll all fly to our own gingerbreadland, meeting new people and saying farewell to those we've seen, loved and even hated.

just like tabitha, who has already flown to shanghai in pursuit of her(or her family's) greater pursuit of life. it's like an undying flame. persisting to burn even brighter with each day passing.

it's one of this traits which i admire human beings for. their persistence and perhaps unfaltering faith in their beliefs. one that would be with them throughout their lives.

so here's a toast to tabitha, whose departure maybe among the first of the many departures yet to come.

i see people trying to build and rekindle relationships, trying to salvage lost time, trying to say that proper goodbye. i couldn't say that i didn't try. but it's my obstination that's in the way and at the same time, just don't feel that it's right.

somehow in that unexplanable way.

so i'll release my safety catch and using the little parachute that i've built, pull my close friends around me and embark on a further journey together. one fraught with more misunderstandings, reliance. and maybe, just maybe.

accidents.

the holiday preview

the holiday preview.

it's going to be like this isn't it? everyone seeming to sian at home with nothing to do.

which just reminds me why i haven't begun doing it.

read more books maybe. or just sleep. or maybe get out of the house to exercise.

which is not what i have been doing but should be.

slacker. he just wants to lie in bed all day and pour over books that will cheemify his brain.

in reality, he's just glued to the comp and is partially addicted to a computer game that will kill half his brain cells.

not a good reason to not exercise eh?

ok. i feel so guilty. i'm running at least 2km tomorrow.

alright, in reality, maybe just one.

you should have thought better than to ignore.

it's 11 now and i happen to be free enough to blog. not that there's much to post anyway.

just finished reading heartstopper by joy fielding. freak out.

it's about this misfit girl who became a serial killer who murdered many popular girls in school and also half her family.

take my breath away.

then i started thinking about girls whom i know who might suddenly turn psychopathic.

the reality is this much closer.

back to the point of it being 11. i'm still yawning away after waking up at 7 on a sunday and 7.30 on a saturday.

early bird seems to be an understatement.

i'm so excited about the post exam activity!

we have skipping and we only have to pay $2.20 for jumping endlessly for 2 hours. and we might get this really nice skipping rope which has a broken handle. oh yeah, did i mention that the rope might be so taut it'll be hard not to trip and fall?

where are we heading nowadays? towards the edge of the top of a building?

shh. that's enough.

the final four days

the final four days.

it's all going to be over before you can relish it. cause after those four days, it's back to torture.

wonder how anyone face their reults after a 5-day hiatus. it's gonna be interesting. and deathly too.

so i sort of enjoyed myself by roaming in orchard road with my fellow retards(jkjk). and i must admit, the total tab of the entire bill was high. counting lunch, movie ticket, popcorn and...

starbucks coffee.

lunch was at an upper class japanese restaurant. watched movie at cineleisure and exploded my wallet with my first starbucks coffee.

lunch was the same thing i ordered barely a month ago. movie was the housebunny. go watch it. it's bimbo and comedy at it's best. then took a swift stroll to plaza singapura to get materials for a haloween party.

fun and laughter. i don't see the tears.

is it all that hard to say goodbye.

makes me think of kenneth. and i felt bad about all i have done to him. maybe we should all just leave this destitution behind and move forward.

bury the past and go on with the future.

ok. so this is goodbye and i shall dedicate this post to kenneth then. sayonara.

simple and sincere. it's good enough this way.

i'm still keeping my lips sealed about many things. even after locking this blog up.

may the bimbo, the past and the future never bother you again.

clue

clue: I am [inserts name] if you get what i mean.

this fever i can't explain

this fever i can't explain.

it's the love for poetry. and all words fine to dine.

so during the home econs exams, which was really simple by the way, i found spare time to write a poem about my thoughts of exams.

here is how it goes.

in this one sullen morning

students are yawning

in plastic chairs they sit

stuck in the class of a pit

the ceiling fans whirl

elicit shouts of woah

as it sways precariously

on the teachers assumingly

streaks of thin black lines

allowing words so fine

such a tiny space

for only the thickness of lace

the inconsistency of scribbling

is common when time is ticking

the poor students of such young age

have arthritis to manage

i worte that in approximately 15mins after i thought the paper was a complete bore.

oh well. people said it was nice.

and maybe after exams isn't all that good. with all the time in my hands. i wonder what i should do.

write more stories and post them in fictionpress.

read more books

study o'level maths

exercise more

master cantonese

it looks a hefty list. wonder if the december hols can complete it. last but not least, bond with friends. i need it. and the free time comes in handy.

i'm stuck in xbox lols. too difficult already.

invited mz, sm and jo to my house for a tour yesterday. they said it was big. o.O and we sort of played 3 hours of non-stop taboo yesterday. siao. but it was extremely fun. going to invite more people next time. anyone want come?

i'm contemplating if i should study chinese.

we sit on the floor, waiting for the rain to fall.

we sit on the floor, waiting for the rain to fall.

we sit for the exams, waiting for our grades to fall.

and along with the grades, the hopes and allowances fall as well.

what a life.

sort of referring to chinese paper 2 today. the day was made brighter by the fact that i overslept today.

and experience a gut-wrenching(literally) stomachache during the exam. wow.

and attribute that with my low standards in chinese and you get a lower grade than the already low expectations.

still hanging in there. or not. i really might fail chinese.

and drop out of the special stream in which i have been struggling with for 2 years. maybe it's better.

then there was this sheet of paper, that was passed around. not sure who actually got it.

the subject combination criteria for courses.

and to get into triple science, you need A1 in both science and maths and B3 in english, along with a high overall grade of idunnowhat.

saw the paper and decided that double science might be a better idea after all.

after all, didn't i want to go triple science class just to avoid people? or maybe. or maybe not.lets just get literature over with.

science - jbfoiuafbsushclsz

feeling pretty mad now. to a point of being crazy.

twinkle twinkle little star
little midget that you are
smile at me when i bleed and fall
wasn't stabbing just a call.

and it's not that kind of angry madness where i want to kill someone. but that kind, with sheer petulance and extreme impatience just wants to make you do someting stupid all at once.

i mean thinking of studying 2 hours of chinese comprehension later

and by the way, petulance means childish, child-like quality or something like that.

it's better to check the dictionery, i don't want to be held responsible for whatever results you are going to get later.

and speaking about english, i'm feeling happy now.

because in drama, ms lee told me that my compo was used as a benchmark for the best english compos. it means(or so i think): confirm get some reasonable or super-high marks, like 24 or maybe, just maybe, a 25.

still dreaming. won't be surprised if i just passed both components again. just like last year.

woots. that's something happy to feel about after realising that you have just kissed a minimum of four marks away from your science paper. my graph is the only different one and my refractive index jumped a decimal place thanks to sheer carelessness. wow.

and drama, which i didn't or hardly studied for, is going to scrape a pass. lols. i don't plan to take it next year anyway.

now, please shut your mouth on my future thoughts and plans, will you?

thank you.

i have a deep-rooted passion for blogging and a deeper-rooted passion for passing higher chinese overall.

i really might fail tomorrow.

happy birthday mum!

yeahyeah, it's my mum's birthday today.

so i waked up at 8 to prepare breakfast. super tired now. yawns...

and my morning was wasted with 2 hours of maple. -.- i shouldn't do this. but yet i am. totally no self-discipline. but managed to study 1 hour of science in the morning.

and another 2 hours in the afternoon with my dear uncle's help.

tried to study literature today. read unitl halfway of chapter 2 until i tore the book. yeah, i literally shredded a page away. clumsy.

had jack's place for lunch and the grilled fish was nice. great choice since i didn't eat breakfast. we ran out of bread.

had some worries.

expecting my results to be terrible when we received them. none is an exception. and even if i really did well, i am still believing that i flunked everything. totally no confidence in my results. only confident in studying hours at times. only confident in trying my best. and why is everything spilling down this path?

totally no idea. probably got influenced again.

encountered a super dilemma today. went to cwp and managed to find the one thing i have and not have been looking for. the heart of everything. $20.90 and it's just a cashier away. but i resisted the temptation within me and decided to contemplate again after the exams. the black symphony is still not yet out. but i am running out of patience.

i tried reserving the black symphony at popular on the first day of this month but it seems like i have to wait weeks before it's finally released. come to think of it, it's not popular either so popular might not even have it in the future. :X

so i want to go town on thursday on friday to check it out

anyone wants to burn time and go with me? maybe catch a movie and tour the place for clothes and books?

probably no one. but i'll ask.

i am going to study drama later

and 5 hours of science tomorrow.

maths mad.

you know what, i studied 5 hours of maths yesterday. incredible eh? but what's more incredible was that i studied everything that did not appear for the exams. and did not study for any that turned up a decent 15marks.

the 5 hours seem to vanish in thin air.

and for the'relevant' topics, it's set notations and language, proportions, simliarity and congruence...last but not least, varied forms of all these topics.

they sure took a huge chunk of my results with them. about 12.

then there's linear graphs which consumed 5 marks.

oh, there's also algebra which made me kiss 6 marks goodbye.

i'm left with 57/80 for further deductions and careless mistakes. and if i'm super lucky(which i really doubt it) i will be able to squeeze 3 more marks, in addition with not getting any firther deductions, get 60/80 which is an A1!.

but it all sounds....

impossible.

impossible is nothing.

bash that person who came up with that quote.

i don't want to study science today.

nostalgic posts

nostalgia. that's what i'm feeling. after reading all my former posts: 150th and below.

just made me realise how stupid, innocent and attitiuded person i was in the past. and maybe, a small voice cries - egoistic.

and i've got many photos. too many. and i will be killed if people were allowed to look at them.

had second thoughts and changed the post limit from 300 to 50 lols.

www.thecensored.blogspot.com

extreme long make-up post.

it's another beautiful piece. again by within temptation.

*eyes brim with tears*

and as noticed, i changed my blogskin.

it looks a terrible job isn't it. i shall create one of my own if i ever learn codes.

lol.

and it looks damn famaliar. where did you see this skin before?

but i can't care much. even if people call me ren2yun2yi4yun2.

i don't know archiving or any language options for better expression and more facilities in this blog. someone teach me after exam. ok?

lols. going crazy again.

summary was terriblegreat.

the passage was entirely racistabout multi-cultural feuds in the past.

i am going to do do badlyfail in it.

my hari raya puasaadilfitri was kinda normal. except that we had dinner guests and i wasn't able to catch my nightlydaily drama seial. but it's better. i prefer it this way.

more weird things about this blogger:

he reckons that he is extremely stubborn (that's true though peopel don't agree)

he thinks that english summary and comprehension can be revised (and spent 2 hours revising)

he is very scared of her. (she's not sarah)

regular readers and close friends might have an idea on my complicated relationship with her. in short, all of you know should have an idea. private blog. but if you don't, you can consult my big mouth.

extremely distracting. thank goodness she's at the other end.

oh, i realised that i have't talked about my sitting position though half my exams are over. -.-

lets see, i'm sitting beside the very nice and reliable junsiang and adelynn ;). and behind me is the concrete wall which will never disturb me. and in front of me there's my neighbour, more-than-great-friend and fellow 'born on valentine's day' mate. i couldn't wish for more.

yet i could. haha. contradiction.

there's nothing more to wish for.

you know what. i recently figured out a really strange phenomenon in me that might just work.

don't focus on studying. tell yourself not to do well. for 'good' pupils, your mind will pursuade you to study while your heart calls you towards the computer table. there will be this inner conflict where your immediate response should be picking up a textbook to start reading. with this inner conflict, your attention span increases threefolds and soon, you will be studying like a mugger.

some people call this reverse psychology. i call it hypnosis.

and it works on me. haha. discretion: only try if you can afford to.

the logic behind this theory:

it only works for 'good' pupils, not everyday-muggers. seeming that you are planning to maximise on whatever 5-minute revision that you are going to do and get great results. when you try to concentrat normally, you will be auto-attracted to the comp table. tell yourself not to study and you will feel a slight sensation of guilt. having that, it will push you to study as much a possible and with the highest degree of concentration. the 'lsp' of academics. when you reach there, you will be guaranteed a satisfying grade the next day.

such warped logic. dosen't even makes sense. haha. but seriously, don't you think it's just a load of crap. then don't follow the instructions. infact, please don't. i don't want to be responsible for whatever results you might get. :X

lalala.

my mum's birthday is two days from now and i haven't got her a 'material' present. but i've written a short peom dedicated to her. :D for those interested, it's in fictionpress.

this is the end of the extreme long make-up post. :P