人非圣贤，孰能无过

I want to post some pictures of syf tenors group photo, but being the non-tech savvy guy that i am, i didn't bother.

人非圣贤，孰能无过. it rings true in my head.

just some relfections for the month. july has been a long month. a long month in deed.

defining events:

siew mun's double birthday celebration. (broke though) :)

o level chinese oral. (nervous sia) :X

o level listening compre. (i like it):P

o level chemistry spa. (stupid, stupid) :(

napfa. (my silver) :D

racial harmony day :S (for the cip hours)

nygh limelight concert. (surprising) :O

syf choral presentation. (enjoyable!) ^^

i can't think of anymore defining events. not all of them are happy ones but sure enough, they all balance out. july has been eventful, expensive and reflective. it is one of the busiest months in my life. yeah, h1n1 did make thing more interesting. it cancelled choir for a month and drew speculations all over. and the best thing is not having to go down for flag raising which only purpose is to induce severe case of perspiration in all of us. as if july isn't one of the hottest months in the northen hemisphere.

blown more than $200 this month. broke. broke. broke. it's what you say when you run out of money. at this rate, i'm gonna be bankrupt soon. very soon.

reflective because it made me think of what i wanted to do and what i wanted to be. like whether i want to wallow in self-pity or pick myself up and try again. like how to be a great friend to those around me. like how to score the good grades in the old days.

lastly, to learn to be a good leader. there's so much more to improve on. and so much to do. and it'll be great to do them all now. (:

napfa 2009!

The people were right. Blogger really is screwed. But it doesn't matter. I'm not a fan of photos anyway.

I know I haven't blogged in a week. Maybe it was because I managed to find some interesting stuff to do. Either that or homework, napfa and O levels were overwhelming. A little bit of both.

Napfa was great! I finally got a silver. Yes, and a very unexpected one at that. I thought I was gonna fail. O: Yes, it's a relief napfa is finally over. Now I ache all over, but it was worth it. (: Mz fell ill after her 2.4km run. She looked bad. But it was alright in the end. Rofl.

I stink up the whole music room. It's weird to see people pinching their noses or maintaing a distance from you when you enter the music room. Then when you talk in front of them, some were looking away while others were chatting with others. And yes, bass sl, gladwin ang muh song, I am referring to you.

LOL. Choir cancelled on friday. The Pisa test on thursday pissed me off. Damn waste time sia. 3 hours somemore. It was'compulsory'. Some people didn't come but it was ok for them so as long the school hits the quota. Sianness. One reason why the world is unfair.

Second reason why the world is unfair. You can get cip hours while playing arcade games at the same time. Thought it was a fluke then in the end it was real. Ulti-sianness. It was even featured in the newspapers can....and I didn't go. Just because I thought that sunday was supposed to be precious. And that's why I can't help feeling a little envious. Ok, fine, rather envious. You lucky bass sl and secretary. LOL.

I've got a nasty habit. I keep flunking my maths test. Yeah, first it was A maths and now it was E maths. Looks like a viscous cycle. Nooooooo. I screwed up the summary test too. Argh! But lc was ok. phew.

Chem SPA tmr! Grrr. Damn packed schedule sia. I just passed the trial one. 我无论如何也要考高分! (:

fun on foot, my foot.

Ok, I'm in a pretty bad mood now. I don't feel like doing anything other than staring into the comp and wondering why I'm in a bad mood.

It's because I feel like I'm always the one being overlooked, always being the one people say sorry to and not meaning a single word of it. All because they know they can get away with it. And always being that back up plan. Why the back up plan? Why always the back up plan? Because they think there's always someone else who's better.

And people are seriously exploiting me being nice to them. "He's such a nice guy, I'm sure he won't mind." Then they start making fun of me, standing me up and betraying me. Espeically that person. Can't stand it. Just wish that person would stop picking one me. That's one epitome on why being too nice isn't good. Now I know why ms lim scolded me for being too nice. Yes, I really am too nice. And easy to bully.

Too bad people. The past was your last chance. I'm a nice jinhu, but never too nice.

***

Some person has been stealing my stuff. My correction tape and now my calculator, which I need for tomorrow's maths test. WTF. Damn you. Or maybe it's me, maybe I took my own stuff and misplaced them without knowing. Whatever. I had to borrow my sister's calculator for tomorrow's maths test.

***

Fun on foot was well.....fun and tiring. Ok, especially tiring. It's like walking around in a foreign land even though it's really still Singapore. Expensive breakfast. It's a money guzzler. I spent almost the day for that amazing race. My whole saturday gone.

you care too much over spilt milk.

I'm still a little sad and a little nostalgic and a little angry with myself.
Even though it's been 4 days already, the panic still comes back, then the impending trepidation, followed by the inevitable stuttering.

I wasn't sure if I was even speaking in chinese. It felt like a whole new different language. And after I left the table, there were mixed feelings. One part felt like celebrating the scraping through. The other felt like self-hatred, intensified only by my dismal chinese oral abilities. Shame came but relief rushed in as well. It felt like a vortex of emotions swirling within me, ready to tear my innards into tiny, tiny shreds.

Ok, I was exaggerating. But there were mixed feelings. Stoic was the word. I didn't know what or how to feel then. Plagued by the dread, it's that feeling of failure. Dreaded, dreaded, dreaded.

I could and couldn't answer to myself. OK, this seriously sounds weird. In the end, you still care too much over spilt milk. Yeah, I don't know how I should feel anymore. Despite the effort, you still feel like this. Weak fool.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIEWMUN!

Thanks to you, I'm gonna be dead broke. This had better be worth it. ;D

a step too far.

The view on the way back home.

The colours are screwed. My purpose for posting this pic online is to show you the new defect my phone has aquired, capturing pictures in paint. Interesting though sadly not practical.

Today was fast. What a short day. Crapped with huixiang during class. She happened to do me a favour so now I owe her one. :X Then later signed up for some amazing race. Sounds fun. (:

I'm planning to clear my table and homework during the weekends. Yeah, hope that I'll get that done tomorrow cuz it's sm's birthday on sunday. :O

the mother tongue.

It's strange to be back and to see my blog being locked up again like last time. Except this time, I locked it for fun. So I'm going to unlock it back. Sorry for the inconvenience.

I screwed my O levels mother tongue oral up down left right centre. Argh, I can't be bothered now. Done whatever crap I could have done and put in effort. Too bad, they were futile. I can go on not speaking chinese for the rest of my life now.

Ok still have 80% more to go. It's always frightening to go for oral. Even english. Revelling in my escapade from strict rules and hardcore cramming, a sense of unease descends upon this wracked soul. But to return to that cold, unassuming stance is daunting.

Sometimes, it takes more than a while to wonder if you're going in the right direction. It takes an even longer while to decipher the signals people give. The whole process takes too much time and effort, along with its fair share of tears.

Ice Age 3 sounds interesting. Hope to watch it before busy schedule chases me to no end. :X

turning the keys.

Like some stranger, you walk past me as if I was part of the wallpaper, camouflaged and nondescript. And the words you say don't make that much sense and the conversation topics are limited to perhaps the most mundane of things, like what homework you have to hand up tomorrow. That's pretty sad.

I went choir blog-hopping today to blogs of choirs and their members. And it was then I realised how enthu the people were about choir and how they have damn long posts just describing the process of elections and how long the posts increase when they get a certain desired post. The it goes something like being very nerous and suddenly pouring out all their gratitude when they know that choir puts faith in them and everything.

I do wish anderson choir was a little bit more enthu sometimes. Maybe not overboard with the long speeches. Well, they had to prepare a speech you know, like 5 mins and 7 mins long each. And we just had to prepare like what, 5 sentences. Wait, we don't even get to prepare.

Guess, it's just how other choirs work. That's not the point. Choir has been cancelled last week and is going to be cancelled this week. Oh well, more time to prepare for oral? I still can't speak chinese like a chinese. :X

Ok, off to prepare now. Desperate already.

don't try to fix me i'm not broken.

I was listening to hello when i was thinking of a title, so here you go.

Either my friends are terribly emo right now or I committed some crime. Oh well, guess it's a little bit of both. I won't call people to cheer up cause it'll just make them lament further. I'll just shut my mouth and let the silence flood the gaps.

You know, somehow things will work out. Somehow~

I'm sorry to you that I can't bring myself to treat you nicely even though I know you aren't a mean person.

I'm the mean person.

syf choral presentation 2009!

Yay, I'm back from my blogging hiatus, after not blogging for 5 days.

Much happened but I'm lazy to post everything. Ok, shall just talk about certain things that really struck me.

Like how mean I was since....idk. I'm not sure if you can use the word mean for this. I'm just doing what I would naturally do. And I know it's bad but if I let it walk over me and concede, I'm scared that it will stay on as tight as a leech and I'd lose the freedom I crave and value. It's just these little things. A few slips and the game will be unpredictable.

I feel just like a puppet, my moves dependent on my puppet master, Providence. The strings that control me are thin and taut. And Providence plays me around like an insignificant piece in his giant chess game with his brother Fate. Would I charge and take it on, only to lose certain privileges or should I divert along to another path to continue my route elsewhere. Just then, Providence made me twist into pirouettes and I spun with my choices revolving around me. He told me to make my own choice and let loose one string...

Ok, no more diverting. Just one word sums up the choral presentation: awesome!

Haha, jinhu had much fun wondering all over vch making new friends. Like shawn and marcus from xinmin (remembers 1 hour bus ride~~) jerilene from nan chiau (jesslynn's sister!) and yujun from river valley (NHSS!). Cool sia. Poor carey had to be dragged around in her heels because newfound friends could be found anywhere in the concert hall. :X

I lied to my xinmin friends about my identity. Lol. Chionged for bus with carey and got into 171 on tuesday. Met shawn and struck up a conversation with him. Nice guy. But I told them the truth on thursday.:/

My score was signed by Stephen Leek! (: His conducting is really WOW. He made White Horses interesting. Then he gave the whole combined choir toy koala bears as a meeting gift. Cool. I like Stephen Leek.

Zechariah Goh wasn't bad either. He can sing like 4-5 octaves?! Wth. His falsetto damn strong sia. I feel like a sapling next to a giant tree. Singapore medley was fun sia. Especially jinking nona. Because it was the last of the four songs and required a lot of energy. Gah!

Then the combined choir itself also quite zai. Not sure about the girls but the guys were great! Especially tenors! Haha, I'm trying very hard not be bias but it's hard not to. Yay, the cat high sec 3 on my left can reach a G naturally. And he was a sop 1. Then the sec 4 behind me had a very mature tone. Rich, I really like the combined choir's tenors.

Then during performance time, they had to spray some shiny hairspray on our heads. And there was glitter everywhere. It was floating in the air like dust particles.

Concert went well, was wonderful! The three of us, carey, bj, me, received flowers from the mz, sm, glad, cas and by. 我只是随口说说，没想到你们会那么细心。 最终，还是要感谢你们在个星期四晚上特地到了这边支持我们。若你们没来，我们作夜也不可能过得那么快乐！谢谢!

And who thought everything would end so merriy, those days of practice cost me time. And that's why I'm dedicating my weekends to work. Hmmmph.